Crossroads

I believe that in a life of a person, one will come to a very defining moment right in front of a person's reality that he or she has to choose eventually. Somehow a critical choice has to be made to save his very last hope to move on with what one has to do with one's principles . Why am I now saying this? Why is my mind so troubled by these worries that I need myself to guard from the uncertainties that these brings? Have I gone so frustrated knowing even with all the efforts to make things work & make things better for a certain plant to grow, like a plant in the wilderness would grow, but would not happen because around this goal people doesn't seem to care and instead make it harder and worst make your efforts seem worthless?

Patience and determination are fine attributes in a person but somehow imperfection and imbalance pesters around . You go around those stumbling blocks or confront them head on. But there are times that what you want things to happen doesn't seem to be working at all. After that, frustrations seem to follow that line. And in these frustrations, consciously or not, you have to find ways to leave space in your heart unscathed. Find that strength to move on with your indigenous bagpack containing your principles and hopes in there, to go find another plant that is worth the time to water the roots. After all, it would be another specific plant from many plants around that seeks to grow. But if that time comes you find yourself in that crossroads and you seem to wonder what path to choose maybe you should not wonder at all. Instead you should not consider where the path may lead you but go instead where there is no path and go leave a trail. I know things do change, rapidly or slowly. But is that time now? I just wonder. #

11/21/09.

Bigwas

These are my answers to a non tagalog speaker who asked me:

What is Bigwas?
From a tagalog-english dictionary,Bigwas means "blow with the fist" or "strike with the fist"

What is the deeper meaning of it?
Bigwas to me, sounds more like in a "fight back" mode, like a vengeance against inaction!

Bigwas sounds like Bagwis, only in reverse?
well yes, but Bagwis from the same dictionary means "soft feathers".

Is that what this band called Bagwis means?
well no, it is the deeper meaning of the band's name which was taken from a progressive filipino song about a bird that will always find ways to seek freedom from any prison cage, it seeks a flight to freedom.

Thank you so much for the information!
thank you too, maraming salamat!

Poem: A Dream Untrue

If one day in your dream
feeling gloomy and blue
just call me with a grin
and I'll stick like glue

but not so fast,
it's only a dream
it's a dream untrue.

pen name: Tata Azul

A blog that sounds like a heartbeat

Many times I hear about people having their own blogs. It bloggingly makes me wonder, what the blog is this all about? And so now, it is now right in my blog step. Should I go through the motion of doing a blog because it is a fad? Or do I want to make it one step forward to say things I was not able to say as a person because in my creative lifetime I was not able to express it the way I wanted it. It could be both but my longing for just being behind the curtain would not last for the simple reason that a person moves forward with all the contradictions around & everywhere and the intricacies that it brings. A person evolves, certainly I don't want to be just the curtain . Somehow being in front of the curtain and having a blog is part of it

So now I felt, how shall I do it? One thing is sure, I want it to sound like a heartbeat that beats like ka blog, ka blog, ka blog .....! For sure I would like to glide along with the balance of wisdom, wit and lessons learned from experiences and those Yodas that come along my lifetime. One question I once was asked is, how do you measure the value of your life? I know one thing is true, balance is the word I'm now beginning to understand to add to an overall value of one's life. And your own heartbeat beats to the rhythm of your lifetime.

Tagalog: Panimula (Beginning)

Ito'y panimula ng isang kaibang lakbaying blog sa udyok at malimit na pagukilkil ng ilang mga kasama sa tulong na rin ng isang mapagbigay na kasama. Matiyaga at mahinahon ang kanyang paggabay sa tunguhin ng blogger.com. Di ko tuloy naiwasang isipin na parang nakita ko na ang estilo ng kanyang pagtuturo. Parang nanyari na ito? Naalala ko na, may isang sine pamagat ay "karate kid" na kung saan ang titser "sensei "ay matiyagang nagtuturo ng "wax in,wax out,wax in,wax out"habang gamit ang basahang panglinis ng salamin ng sasakyan ng "sensei." Deja vu ba itong nararamdaman habang ginagabayan niya ako sa blogger? Ano itong nanyayari wika ko sa sarili ko? Isang uri ba ito ng energy na nariyan pero di mo makita na nariyan? Gusto ko sanang magkamot ng aking ulo ngunit nabahala ako,baka isipin niya na meron akong kuto. Alam ko naman na araw araw akong naliligo at nagpipisik pa ako ng aking murang perfume na binili ko pa sa Kohls! As a segwey, mabalita ko sa inyo hane yong tungkol sa perfume. Nag-sale sa Kohls, sa mura ng tinda, napasigaw ako ng, Oh my kohls, oh my kohls, it is so beri mura! It makes me so kilig naman noh!

Sori, got carried away ako doon sa kwento kong segwey. Seriously, So bigla akong namamangha na madali lang pala ang gumawa ng sariling blog. Uhmmm.Kaya naman pala marami ang nag-blo-blog. Blog dito, blog doon. Blog dito sa stets, blog sa pinas, blog everywhere, blog sa buong mundo.Wheww,blogging ninyo!

Nagpasalamat naman ako pagkatapos. Sabi ko sa pasasalamat, "thanks a lot,bro, I appreciate it so much!" Sagot niya, "you're welcome!" Para tuloy tumayo ang aking balahibo goose bumps sa aming paguusap sa kanong ingles. Kagyat na naglaro ang tanong sa isipan ko, tanggapin na kaya kami neto sa mainstream amerika? Kaming mga pilipino sa amerika? Ngunit panandalian lamang na ako'y natigilan para bagang nahimasmasan. Para akong winisikan ng napakalamig na tubig sa aking malasutla at may bakubaku ko rin namang mukha.

Walang kaabog-abog ay sabay na rin akong nagpaalam dala dala ang kaalamang blog. At sa aking pagbaba sa hagdanan mula sa ikatlong palapag ng bilding,maingat ang aking mga hakbang habang nagmumuni muni akong may hugis na ngiti sa aking pisngi. Malayo pa ang aking lalakbayin naisip ko. Tunay ngang masukal ang daan tungo sa daang minimithi. Ngunit meron ding paraan para gawing patag ang daan at panatag sa kalooban. Naalaala ko tuloy isang makabuluhan at popular na kasabihan sa Universidad ng Pilipinas, "Kung hindi ka kikilos,sinong kikilos,kung hindi ka kikibo, sinong kikibo,kung hindi ngayon,kailan pa?" Tunay ngang makabuluhan, bawat hakbang ay mararating mo. #