Poem (tagalog): Sa Sinapupunan

Sa bawat hakbang
ay nag-iingat
sa bawat salita
ay pinagaaralan

Sabihin ang nararapat
ang hindi dapat
ito'y hindi sinasabi
manapa'y inililihim

Upang sa bandang huli
ang kaaway na nakaabang
mga matang nakamasid
ay di ka matukoy

Kalagayang nasa bingit
at walang kasiguruhan
habang ikaw ay
nasa sinapupunan
ng halimaw.

Pen Name: Ed Aliwalas
Date: 1/1/10 @7:30am

Beautiful Cello

I always hear the phrase “that’s music to my ears.” Music is a part of our life. It is the ingredient of the need to go on, to continue what we have and to hold onto it until we may never have the strength to be able to. And music comes in different forms, languages, genre. It comes from musical instruments that we are most familiar with and from instruments alien to us. And whether it’s warm or cold, music penetrates every pore of your skin, every core of your being.

As a musical instrument, you are a cello that looks mysterious from a distance. Why is it that I have this kind of feeling towards you, my dear cello? Are you that kind of cello that I should have but don’t have the strength to have it? Why is it at times I want to stare at you longer if I have the chance, but it looks like I won’t be able to play your strings but only look at it. Even though I want to really try sometimes to feel the notes reverberating from you, it would just have to wait. I'm like waiting for nature to unravel itself and play its course uncertain about the outcome. Would I just be satisfied looking up for time to cease looking at you, and find ways to start knowing you? Is it fear of uncertainty that if I would try to know you more the sound that would come out won’t be the ideal sound I wanted to come out? Would it be a sound that I would hate? Is it a sound that I would love? Would my playing be in unison and harmony with the sound I wanted that would come out of you? But how would I know if I don’t start knowing you now as much as I can?

I know there will be a time to confront this feeling towards you, dear cello. Guts and strength is what I needed. But I knew you have history of making music. You’ve been tried and tested by people who don’t look at you with awe from a distance nor appreciate what you are for making music. People don’t see the beauty in you and that they don’t seem to care about your feelings (as though instruments have feelings) as a musical instrument. Is it the reason why a misguided person would mistreat you? Leave you alone in that corner deserted? That person would say how much he loves you but never a hint that he would eventually hurt you for a reason? You need tender care that I wish I could take care of you and hold you to give you warmth in my arms if you will. I long to give you company at the corner of that empty room, your place, to clean away the webs and dust away from your strings and the glossy embodiment of your being.

I wish I won’t be afraid to go beyond my fear of uncertainty if I knew we would make beautiful music together. I know I have to hang in there as much as I can while I’ll be at a distance watching and appreciating you. You are a beautiful cello, a cello of someone else’s dream. From where I am, you are that cello of my musical dream. I guess the safe distance would make that relationship, like low rising, all for the love of you.

Yes, my beautiful cello, If only you knew. #

12/5/09

Crossroads

I believe that in a life of a person, one will come to a very defining moment right in front of a person's reality that he or she has to choose eventually. Somehow a critical choice has to be made to save his very last hope to move on with what one has to do with one's principles . Why am I now saying this? Why is my mind so troubled by these worries that I need myself to guard from the uncertainties that these brings? Have I gone so frustrated knowing even with all the efforts to make things work & make things better for a certain plant to grow, like a plant in the wilderness would grow, but would not happen because around this goal people doesn't seem to care and instead make it harder and worst make your efforts seem worthless?

Patience and determination are fine attributes in a person but somehow imperfection and imbalance pesters around . You go around those stumbling blocks or confront them head on. But there are times that what you want things to happen doesn't seem to be working at all. After that, frustrations seem to follow that line. And in these frustrations, consciously or not, you have to find ways to leave space in your heart unscathed. Find that strength to move on with your indigenous bagpack containing your principles and hopes in there, to go find another plant that is worth the time to water the roots. After all, it would be another specific plant from many plants around that seeks to grow. But if that time comes you find yourself in that crossroads and you seem to wonder what path to choose maybe you should not wonder at all. Instead you should not consider where the path may lead you but go instead where there is no path and go leave a trail. I know things do change, rapidly or slowly. But is that time now? I just wonder. #

11/21/09.

Bigwas

These are my answers to a non tagalog speaker who asked me:

What is Bigwas?
From a tagalog-english dictionary,Bigwas means "blow with the fist" or "strike with the fist"

What is the deeper meaning of it?
Bigwas to me, sounds more like in a "fight back" mode, like a vengeance against inaction!

Bigwas sounds like Bagwis, only in reverse?
well yes, but Bagwis from the same dictionary means "soft feathers".

Is that what this band called Bagwis means?
well no, it is the deeper meaning of the band's name which was taken from a progressive filipino song about a bird that will always find ways to seek freedom from any prison cage, it seeks a flight to freedom.

Thank you so much for the information!
thank you too, maraming salamat!

Poem: A Dream Untrue

If one day in your dream
feeling gloomy and blue
just call me with a grin
and I'll stick like glue

but not so fast,
it's only a dream
it's a dream untrue.

pen name: Tata Azul

A blog that sounds like a heartbeat

Many times I hear about people having their own blogs. It bloggingly makes me wonder, what the blog is this all about? And so now, it is now right in my blog step. Should I go through the motion of doing a blog because it is a fad? Or do I want to make it one step forward to say things I was not able to say as a person because in my creative lifetime I was not able to express it the way I wanted it. It could be both but my longing for just being behind the curtain would not last for the simple reason that a person moves forward with all the contradictions around & everywhere and the intricacies that it brings. A person evolves, certainly I don't want to be just the curtain . Somehow being in front of the curtain and having a blog is part of it

So now I felt, how shall I do it? One thing is sure, I want it to sound like a heartbeat that beats like ka blog, ka blog, ka blog .....! For sure I would like to glide along with the balance of wisdom, wit and lessons learned from experiences and those Yodas that come along my lifetime. One question I once was asked is, how do you measure the value of your life? I know one thing is true, balance is the word I'm now beginning to understand to add to an overall value of one's life. And your own heartbeat beats to the rhythm of your lifetime.

Tagalog: Panimula (Beginning)

Ito'y panimula ng isang kaibang lakbaying blog sa udyok at malimit na pagukilkil ng ilang mga kasama sa tulong na rin ng isang mapagbigay na kasama. Matiyaga at mahinahon ang kanyang paggabay sa tunguhin ng blogger.com. Di ko tuloy naiwasang isipin na parang nakita ko na ang estilo ng kanyang pagtuturo. Parang nanyari na ito? Naalala ko na, may isang sine pamagat ay "karate kid" na kung saan ang titser "sensei "ay matiyagang nagtuturo ng "wax in,wax out,wax in,wax out"habang gamit ang basahang panglinis ng salamin ng sasakyan ng "sensei." Deja vu ba itong nararamdaman habang ginagabayan niya ako sa blogger? Ano itong nanyayari wika ko sa sarili ko? Isang uri ba ito ng energy na nariyan pero di mo makita na nariyan? Gusto ko sanang magkamot ng aking ulo ngunit nabahala ako,baka isipin niya na meron akong kuto. Alam ko naman na araw araw akong naliligo at nagpipisik pa ako ng aking murang perfume na binili ko pa sa Kohls! As a segwey, mabalita ko sa inyo hane yong tungkol sa perfume. Nag-sale sa Kohls, sa mura ng tinda, napasigaw ako ng, Oh my kohls, oh my kohls, it is so beri mura! It makes me so kilig naman noh!

Sori, got carried away ako doon sa kwento kong segwey. Seriously, So bigla akong namamangha na madali lang pala ang gumawa ng sariling blog. Uhmmm.Kaya naman pala marami ang nag-blo-blog. Blog dito, blog doon. Blog dito sa stets, blog sa pinas, blog everywhere, blog sa buong mundo.Wheww,blogging ninyo!

Nagpasalamat naman ako pagkatapos. Sabi ko sa pasasalamat, "thanks a lot,bro, I appreciate it so much!" Sagot niya, "you're welcome!" Para tuloy tumayo ang aking balahibo goose bumps sa aming paguusap sa kanong ingles. Kagyat na naglaro ang tanong sa isipan ko, tanggapin na kaya kami neto sa mainstream amerika? Kaming mga pilipino sa amerika? Ngunit panandalian lamang na ako'y natigilan para bagang nahimasmasan. Para akong winisikan ng napakalamig na tubig sa aking malasutla at may bakubaku ko rin namang mukha.

Walang kaabog-abog ay sabay na rin akong nagpaalam dala dala ang kaalamang blog. At sa aking pagbaba sa hagdanan mula sa ikatlong palapag ng bilding,maingat ang aking mga hakbang habang nagmumuni muni akong may hugis na ngiti sa aking pisngi. Malayo pa ang aking lalakbayin naisip ko. Tunay ngang masukal ang daan tungo sa daang minimithi. Ngunit meron ding paraan para gawing patag ang daan at panatag sa kalooban. Naalaala ko tuloy isang makabuluhan at popular na kasabihan sa Universidad ng Pilipinas, "Kung hindi ka kikilos,sinong kikilos,kung hindi ka kikibo, sinong kikibo,kung hindi ngayon,kailan pa?" Tunay ngang makabuluhan, bawat hakbang ay mararating mo. #